Is This Your Comfort Zone?

Is it Really Comfortable?

Flipping our thinking

We've been told our whole lives that success is all about getting out of our comfort zone. It's been said over and over in such a way that would suggest that we are comfortable now.

We've been told our whole lives that success is all about getting out of our comfort zone. It's been said over and over in such a way that would suggest that we are truly comfortable now. But, most of us are in survival mode. Decidedly NOT comfortable.

Some truths can be uncomfortable, because they require change. And sometimes change is hard. But once we can see the truth for what it is and move into it, we are more comfortable than we were before, in a good way, because we've grown. Pushed out our edges.

It's OK to Stay in Your Comfort Zone

Say What?

I've been challenged to think differently by author Terri Trespicio in her book Unfollow Your Passion. She emphatically states, "It's OK to stay in your comfort zone." SAY WHAT?? 🤯

I know. I know. I can hear your thoughts. Or maybe they're just my own. "Does that mean I can just sit on the couch and eat bon bons, binging Netflix?

I use the word "stay" lightly.*

So, I have to ask you, er umm... ask myself, "Is that really all that comfortable?" Will you REALLY be comfortable after a week, two weeks, a month of that?"

*What is comfortable for you? Like really comfortable. Inhabiting your body. In touch with your heart. Thinking clearly. Grounded. Fit in body, mind, and soul. And growing...

Expressing your Genius!

Success and Our Comfort Zone

The New More Comfortable Truth

It wasn't until a few years ago that I realized with the help of my beautiful and wise friend Sage that I had been operating in survival mode for many, MANY years. A lot of that was because of limiting beliefs and social conditioning - I had a self-worth problem - but it was also because of the oft-repeated idea that success lies outside of our comfort zones.

When I started EDG Coaching, now EDGx365, my tag line was Transformation happens at the EDG. Intuitively, I knew that our boundaries are where transformation happens, that we push out from within and our edges expand. But it wasn't until I read Trespicio's words that I felt validated.

We aren't meant to be chronically uncomfortable. We are, however meant to grow. That's an entirely different and welcome discomfort: one with purpose!

Why You're Not Growing in Your Uncomfortable Zone

The Inverse of Out There

When I happened across the picture that heads this post, of the small child siting on a couch, feet up, hiding under 3 pillows, it created a visceral response in my body. That could be a picture of me, of you, of any one of us who is hiding from our genius. I know what it's like to live in the "in there" of discomfort instead of the "out there" of life.

I believe we are hiding because of the barrage of mixed messages (and many downright explicit ones) that devalue us as humans (of all shapes and sizes).

But the narrative is changing! Positive psychologists, social scientists, indigenous wisdom influencers and many more are helping us to change our thinking for the better. Like Ashley Goodall and Marcus Buckingham, Martin Seligman and Ryan Niemiec, Carol Sanford and Caroline Adams Miller, to name a few.

In the Harvard Business Review article* entitled The Feedback Fallacy, the authors tell us that "we learn most in our comfort zones, because that’s where our neural pathways are most concentrated. It’s where we’re most open to possibility, most creative, insightful, and productive. That’s where feedback must meet us—in our moments of flow." (*Linked article is from PhysicianLeaders.org as it's not behind a paywall.)

You're likely not growing, at least not optimally, in your Uncomfortable Zone, because you're either hiding from the world, under the pillows, on the couch, or you're completely out of your element, what I call "outer space." The resultant discomfort in both of these scenarios puts you in survival mode.

Embracing Discomfort as a Consequence of Growth

Not as a Zone of Operation

With regard to discomfort, we can and should embrace the discomfort of growth - like the temporary muscle pain after a workout because we want to feel more comfortable in our body. We should be careful not to embrace discomfort for the sake of discomfort, however, thinking that it's a magic bullet for success and a life well-lived.

In my Blue Flame workshops, I ask a series of questions meant to open possibilities for living a life of Genius in Expression. One of those questions is "what activities do you pursue where you are willing to put up with suffering because of the joy the activity brings you?"

One person responded that she loved to travel the world. For her, the hassle and discomfort of airplane travel was a trifle compared to the experiences she lived seeing exotic locales. For others, the pain of TSA, long lines, no leg room, etc. are just not worth it.

Both of my daughters are firefighters, which requires that they work out, often strenuously. They have to push their bodies to get into and maintain the shape and conditioning required for a demanding job.

They love the work and the rewards that come with it. They both also enjoy feeling not only comfortable in their bodies, but strong and able. For them, the discomfort that comes during and after a workout isn't a zone they operate in all the time. The discomfort is a temporary consequence of the growth they've chosen in order to live the way they want.

Final Thoughts

Survival Mode Leads to Burn-Out

Burnout seems to be a topic for our times, but it needn't be the final answer. Phone a friend on this one!! 😉

We can change our language and our actions when it comes to our comfort zones.

I wrote a post the other day on what to do when you feel like your day has just gone off the rails. Honestly, I think that sometimes we unconsciously derail because we are flat-out overwhelmed, and we're looking to find our way back to some sort of comfort zone. "One of those days" needn't be the entire day, or longer.

Unfortunately, in trying to find our way back to earth from the aforementioned "outer space" discomfort, we end up on the couch, in the other uncomfortable zone.

Have a bon bon if you must. Take your time. Hell, have a (small) pity party. Just don't stay there; the world needs your genius.

Now you know you don't have to!

What resonated with you in this post? Please comment below. I'd love to be in conversation with you!

Instant Cure for “One of Those Days”

You don’t have to look or sound like Sesame Street’s Grouch to be feeling “off.” You might even be trying to pull off your normal upbeat mood, but your energy isn’t the same. In those moments, do you find yourself throwing in the towel for the day? Don’t do it! Do this instead…

EDGx365Michele Jennae

🩵 Michele Jennae

For Reflection

To journal...

What ideas were you fed about comfort zones, getting out of your comfort zone, etc.?

How does this flip thinking make you feel? Conflicted? Relieved? Excited? All of the above?

What can you do to get off the couch and into growth mode at the edge?

Where can you pull back from the "lost in outer space" of survival mode? In other words, what things do you truly not like to do, but you do them because you were convinced that they were necessary for your success?

What might your life look like if you envisioned success on your own terms, without the truly unnecessary uncomfortable zones you've been attempting to dominate?